I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
