and you said cock pushups were impossible
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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