Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
