You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
