trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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