This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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