i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
