bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
