White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
