you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
