all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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