If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
