nut hugger
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
