Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
