he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
