I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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