My balls are so social today.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
