And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
