whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
