Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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