I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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