Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
