Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
