Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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