i barfeds in our rink
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
