nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
