he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
