I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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