Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
