i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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