it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
