my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
