naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
