she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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