She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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