I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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