Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
