Jerry, you need to find god
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize