"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
