Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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