And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize