I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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