I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
