so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
