my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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