that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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