I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
