I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
