Cold hands, warm shart.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
