If i come over, it means nothing
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
