you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
