She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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