Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How's work?
Spinning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
