are you still at the devil's house?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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