If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
