no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
