Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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