Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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