That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
