dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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