Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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