All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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