I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
